


Heaven Can't Wait. The Last Night.

by freckles_n_feathers



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: Castiel/Dean Winchester One Shot, Episode: s09e06 Heaven Can't Wait, Hand Jobs, M/M, Masturbation, My First Destiel Fanfic, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-30
Updated: 2015-04-30
Packaged: 2018-03-26 13:05:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3852022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freckles_n_feathers/pseuds/freckles_n_feathers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Timeline: Season 9, episode Heaven Can't Wait. 9x06<br/>My interpretation of the "Fanfiction Gap" in Heaven Can't Wait. (The time Dean and Cas leave Nora's until the next morning when Dean drops Cas off at the Gas N Sip)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heaven Can't Wait. The Last Night.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Where to, Cas?” Dean asked.

Castiel glanced at Dean, briefly before lowering himself into the car, and that was when it hit him. His friend didn't have anywhere to go. It tore at his heart a bit, being the one responsible for Cas' current state of homelessness. It wasn't like he didn't want Cas around, he loved the son of a bitch. He'd been on the hunter's mind every day. _Every damn day_ and the moment Dean had gotten that call, he knew he'd have to stop and see him, despite telling Sam he wouldn't.

His desire to see Cas shouldn't have been a secret. He should have been okay with admitting to his brother that he'd been worried about the former angel. As he stood next to the car, seeing the pain in Castiel's eyes, Dean wondered why it had taken him this long to seek him out.

He entered the driver's seat and glanced at Castiel, studying him. His face was long, eyebrows arched, and it started to do things to his heart. “You're stayin' with me tonight,” Dean said as he started the car.

“Dean, it's okay, just take me to-”

“The Gas n Sip? No. I got two beds. Not a big deal.” 

“Dean...”

“You're staying with me and that's final.” Dean slowly turned the corner and drove onto the main road. “Let's get some food. I'm sure you're hungry, now that you're human and all,” Dean said with a smile. An expression he hoped would lighten the mood. 

He didn't wait for Castiel to agree or disagree. The local taco stand was open until ten so they had plenty of time to get in and out. Dean picked up a couple of burritos, remembering how much Castiel liked them when he had tried some at the bunker. He couldn't get the image out of his head of a happy Castiel, showered and fed, making himself at home and then the look of heartache when Dean had to tell him to leave. It caused so much distress in Dean, that he had wanted to say fuck it and just let Castiel back in.

But he remembered Zeke and his warning.

He had to protect Sam. Having Cas around would be too risky. If something happened to Zeke, Sam would die. But once Sam was okay and that angel split, Dean was going to ask Castiel to move in with them.  He'd give him his own room, show him how to cook, and maybe even take him to buy some new clothes. He could borrow Dean's in the meantime, and he was pretty sure Cas would fit into his t shirts and flannels. He had more than enough to spare and Sam's would be too big, with his Sasquatch frame and all. He'd lend Castiel all his stuff until they could make a run to the store and then he found himself wondering what kind of clothes Cas would wear. 

Dean drove them back to the motel with these thoughts lingering in his head. When they parked, he turned to Cas who had been staring out the window, blankly. He'd ask his friend what was wrong, but he already knew the answer. Without a word, the two exited the car and Dean grabbed his duffel out of the backseat before leading Cas inside.

The room was small and the two twin beds seem to take up most of it. Dean threw the bag of food onto the little table near the window and kicked off his shoes. He inhaled the musky aroma and already missed his own room.

“Dig in,” he told Cas as he sat down on the edge of the bed. He watched as Castiel opened the bag, pulling out a burrito. He unwrapped it, smelled it, and then smiled.

“You remembered,” Castiel said, his mouth crooked.

Dean smiled and headed to the table, sitting across from Castiel. “Yup.”

He didn't want to bring up the bunker. He didn't want to explain that it was never his intention to get rid of him. He wanted to tell Cas to come home with him and he'd help him with all of these human things that were probably confusing the hell out of him.

 _That's a sneeze, Cas._ _That rumble in your stomach means you're hungry._ _The pain in your heart means I broke it._

Dean sighed. “So how's it going anyway, aside from being a Gas n Sip... associate?”

“Weird,” Castiel said with his mouth full. “I eat, I urinate, I go to sleep, I wake up... uh.. having to urinate again.” Castiel averted his eyes. "There's a few issues with waking up."

This made Dean laugh, knowing full well what he was referring to. “Morning wood,” Dean said, smiling and chewing at the same time.

“What?” Castiel tilted his head in that usual way that Dean had to admit was so goddamned adorable and he knew he'd never get bored of it. From the very first day they met until now, he loved that head tilt that was always accompanied by his confused look that only Cas could make seem so utterly cute.

“Don't worry, it's normal. Every guy wakes up with a hard on. It's like... science and crap.”

“Oh.” He shrugged and took another bite of his burrito. “I wish I knew what to do with it.”

Dean choked. “For real?”

He couldn't help but chuckle at this. Castiel didn't know how to jerk off. That made Dean want to laugh harder but he held it back. Poor fella.

“It gets hard and then I just have to sit around until it's not, but,” Castiel leaned in, as if to tell Dean a secret. “Sometimes it's hard at other times of the day”

Dean put his burrito down and guffawed at that comment. This was probably the most awkward and hilarious conversation he and Castiel had ever had. It even caused Dean to blush a little. It was far from their usual conversations about hell or heaven, monsters, angels, demons. 

“Well, Cas. There's something called jerking off. You ever hear of it?”

Dean's face was on fire and he knew it must be beet red right about now. He wished they could change the subject but he did feel bad for the poor guy. Walking around with hard ons all day wasn't fun. So he'd push through the embarrassment and the strange shyness that he was feeling and help Cas out should he have more questions. Though a huge part of him wished he didn't.

“I've heard of it but no idea how,” Castiel said, chewing his food as if none of it bothered him.

Castiel was always so comfortable in his skin. He didn't carry the embarrassment or shame the rest of us humans had. Sure, he'd seen Castiel express regret here and there, but he was never ashamed of his human side. Dean loved that about him. 

“Google it, I guess,” Dean said.

Dean rose to get some beer out of the mini fridge, hoping the distraction would help end the conversation. When Castiel didn't bring it up again, he was relieved. Dean had always felt weird talking about stuff like this, especially with other dudes. Even Sam knew not to bring up crap like that, knowing how wrong it felt for Dean. It was awkward talking about pleasuring himself with other people, especially a former angel of the goddamned Lord. 

The rest of the night was spent watching movies on their respective beds and talking about nothing in particular. Dean filled Castiel in on Sam's progress, as much as he could without exposing too much. Castiel listened, nodded, but Dean could tell his friend was still down in the dumps. There was one thing Dean hated to see, and that was Castiel upset. He didn't really know why it had bothered him so much. It could have had something to do with how much Cas had changed, going from 'stone-cold angel on a mission' to showing signs of emotion, feelings that the other angels hadn't really projected, and it hit Dean hard in the chest. He knew that most of Castiel's more human emotions while being an angel were because of Dean and it made the hunter feel responsible for him. He had to look out for Cas, no matter what. 

“Listen man, you want me to pay for this place for the next few months? So, at least you'd have somewhere to hang your hat?”

“I don't wear a h-” Castiel tilted his head at Dean's eye roll. “Oh, I see. You don't have to go through all that trouble. I'll be-”

“I'm doin' it. So shut up.”

Dean smiled at his confused friend and he stood to began removing his jeans, starting with his belt. Castiel was watching him but he quickly looked away and focused on the television. Dean saw him turn his head again as Dean crawled into bed and slipped under the covers, he wondered what the the expression on his friend's face was all about. If was neither sad or happy. It was just as if he was observing Dean. Dissecting him. Dean shrugged and shifted into a comfortable position.

“Ah. Not as good as the bed in the bunker, but it'll do.” Dean cringed at bringing up the bunker again.

He opened only one eye when he saw Castiel stand. Both eyes opened when Cas started taking off his clothes. Dean tried not to stare at the former angel, but he rarely saw what he looked like under all the 'tax accountant' garb he used to wear. Castiel was fit with good muscle tone but not too much. Just enough. He removed his pants, revealing blue and white striped boxer shorts. Dean wondered why he'd chosen those. They were probably similar to Jimmy's underwear, he figured. Castiel's head turned to Dean and he paused.

“What?” Castiel asked him.

Dean snapped out of his trance at watching his best friend disrobe. “Huh? Nothing.”

Dean averted his eyes and rolled over on his side. He could hear Castiel get into his own bed beside him and turn off the light.

“Goodnight, Cas.”

“Goodnight, Dean.”

________________________________________

Dean was jolted out if his sleep by a scuffle next to him. He turned his head, still resting on his pillow and saw Castiel sitting up in his own bed with the laptop in front of him. Dean had to rub his eyes to get a clear view of what he was actually seeing.

Cas was watching porn. But not just any porn. _Dudes jerking off._ Dean sat up and almost knocked over the bed side lamp. “Cas... what the fuck?”

Castiel turned his head, eyeing Dean blankly. “You said to google-”

“Jesus, Cas. Come on, not...” Dean staggered out of bed and reached for the laptop. He lowered the screen and placed it on the table. “You don't do that with other...” Dean sat on the edge of Castiel's bed. “With other guys around, okay?”

“I was curious.” Castiel turned away, now embarrassed.

Dean inched closer, enough so that he could touch him. “It's cool. Don't worry about it.” Dean's hand fell on Castiel's knee, and it made his stomach flip. This was the first time he'd really touched Castiel since...

“Being human can be kind of confusing, even for me, sometimes,” said Dean.

Dean smiled, hoping his friend would see that there was nothing to be ashamed of, it was just too awkward to be watching porn, especially _that_ kind of porn with each other. But the guilt rose up in Dean again. Cas didn't know the basics of self indulging, of giving into a horny feeling and bringing himself to release. His only chance at anything remotely close was with a fucking reaper and he couldn't even imagine what kind of scar that had left on Cas. His first and only chance at real sex and it was a goddamned disaster. 

Castiel was exploring himself. His new human needs were probably overwhelming him. Dean should try to understand how this was for him. It made Dean's heart hurt even more at the fact that Cas had to go through this alone.

“It doesn't appear to be that difficult,” said Castiel, breaking the silence between them.

“Oh really?” Dean raised an eyebrow.

“Jerking off, I mean.” Cas flashed a small smile.

Dean tried to remember the first time he had discovered the thrilling act of jerking off, and it felt like a million years ago. It was in a motel bathroom, obviously. Sammy was fast asleep and their dad was on a hunt. He remembered finding a few skin magazines in one of the motel dressers and it caused his insides to ignite. It was the first time that he had really seen a naked woman in a sexual position. Dean chuckled at the memory.

Castiel was eyeing him, curiously. “What?”

“Oh just remembering my first time, you know.”

“Was it difficult?” Castiel slid closer.

“No, not really,” Dean said, looking up at the ceiling as if the image of that memory lingered there. “It was _natural,_ ” he added. 

Castiel frowned and looked down at his feet. “I can't seem to get the hang of it.”

Dean's eyes widened. Was he doing it right here? While Dean was asleep? Dean wished that the thought of Castiel stroking himself in the bed right next to him grossed him out, but instead, it aroused him. Dean felt his dick twitch for a hot second. He looked down to make sure he wasn't getting hard. All seemed okay so far.

But that would soon change.

He watched as Castiel's hand pressed against him, as if he was trying to conceal a boner. Dean looked up and when their eyes met, his throat almost closed and he swallowed before the nerves choked him. Dean's eyes danced around the room for a bit before landing back onto his friend's crotch. Castiel was hard, making his boxers tight and rise up in the front and then Dean felt his own underwear tighten. He noticed that Castiel was looking at him, looking at his dick, and his face full of wonder. He probably had a million questions about what was happening but Dean refused to even utter a single word. Instead, he moved closer to Castiel and took hold of his hand.

“Lemme show you,” Dean said, regretting the words as soon as they left his mouth.

He tried to convince himself this was charity. This was just him helping his friend out. Showing him how to be a man. A _real_ man. This wasn't gay at all. This wasn't like the time in Purgatory when he slept in Castiel's arms or when he cried on his shoulder, or when Castiel kissed him, telling him that he loved him.

No, this wasn't that. _That_ was something they had sworn would never happen again. A deep secret that only _they_ shared and no one should ever find out about.

“Okay,” Castiel said, lying back against the pillows with his one hand still in Dean's grip. Dean chuckled, thinking, _"Fucking Castiel is always so cool about everything."_

Dean licked his lips, an obvious indication that this was indeed making him hungry. Hungry for Castiel. He moved Castiel's hand down. 

“Remove your boxers,” Dean instructed him.

Castiel did as he asked and then he looked up at Dean with those gorgeous blue eyes that made Dean's heart race. He became flustered, as he always did when Cas looked at him like that. That burning intense stare that pretty much invaded his soul, not that he minded. But he had to turn away, quickly, before he'd lose the nerve to help his friend out. Just this once. 

Castiel was big, a littler bigger than his own and had a little bit more girth. Dean swallowed as he directed Castiel's hand onto the hard shaft. “Wrap your fingers around it,” Dean said, trying not to stare too long at his friend's huge dick. He obeyed and just left his hand resting still. Dean smirked.

“Move it up and down,” Dean said, hoarsely. He was finding it a little hard to talk.

Castiel did so, barely even touching himself, his fingers wrapped loosely around the skin. Dean shook his head and placed his own hand on top of Castiel's again.

“No, like this.”

Dean squeezed his hand over Castiel's and guided it up and down the length. Castiel gasped, letting Dean know that it was probably feeling pretty damn good now. Dean continued to control his friend's hand as he jerked harder and faster. Castiel's face was bright red and his breathing became erratic. He sat up and held Dean's hand with his other.

“Wait. Do it with me,” Castiel said, looking down at Dean's erection.

“Cas... no. Just relax. I got you,” Dean said, wishing he could just whip out his own cock and stroke it along with Castiel. He was throbbing so badly, one touch might make him come all over himself but it would be too weird to jerk off with his best friend, right? Right? Not like any of this was even remotely normal for them.

Castiel rested back on the pillows and watched himself in the grip of the hunter's rough, calloused hand.

Dean wasn't sure how it happened but the next thing he knew, Castiel was leaning forward, inches from Dean's face. Before Dean could protest, Castiel kissed him. Dean snapped his head back, searching his friend's deep pools of blue. “What the hell, Cas?”

“We haven't kissed since Purgatory. I miss it. I miss _you_ , Dean.”

Castiel's hand laced with his and... _blow it all to hell._

Dean kissed him back. Castiel fell backward, his head dropping on to the pillow as Dean's body pressed against his. “I miss you too, Cas, but-”

His words were interrupted by another kiss, this one so much more passionate than the one they shared in Purgatory. This kiss had fire and lust, instead of the sweet angelic memory of the year prior. Dean saw heaven when he kissed him. Clouds and fire and rain, and everything natural and beautiful. He couldn't explain it but it wasn't like any kiss he'd ever experienced before. This was something magical, electric. It was so cleansing and purifying that he was pretty sure he was born again with each touch of Cas' lips to his. 

“I want you,” Castiel admitted to Dean.

He knew that Castiel had feelings, even sexual ones toward Dean while being an angel, but this was probably so much more intense for him now, with him being human. Of course Dean wanted him too. He'd wanted him for years. He couldn't count how many times he'd jerk off thinking of Cas, or had woken up, soaking wet from a dream about him. He'd fantasized more about his angel than the girls in Busty Asian Beauties. That fact alone had utterly confused Dean, because here he was, Mister Straight who'd banged more women than he could count, wanting his very _male_ friend.

And this was his chance to just say fuck it and go with it.

Dean hovered over Cas for a few seconds before freeing his own rock hard erection from his boxer briefs. Dean stroked himself, realizing that Castiel was watching and imitating him. As they both jerked off, their tips touched causing them both to inhale sharply. This was unreal. He'd thought about doing this for so long, the fact they were actually here, right now, cocks in hand, well, it blew his mind.

“Fuck,” Dean said, under his breath. He was so turned on, he was throbbing in his own hand. Making eye contact with Castiel was causing Dean to feel dizzy and Castiel watched Dean so intently, making sure he was doing everything right. This made Dean smile a little and he leaned forward meeting Castiel's lips.

“You're doin' great,” Dean whispered in Castiel's ear. He gasped when he felt Castiel's hand on his own cock. Dean straightened and watched as his friend swept Dean's hand away to take them both in his own.

“This was in the video,” Castiel said with a tiny grin.

Dean didn't know whether to laugh or pat Castiel on the back. He moved to straddle Cas, feeling a tad awkward at first but then he let himself relax and relish in the feeling. It was impressive how Cas had picked up the rhythm so easily, like he'd been doing this sort of thing forever. The way Castiel pulled and squeezed, lightly brushing his thumb over the heads, it was damn near perfect. He watched his pink swollen head disappearing in his friend's fist, pressed against Cas' own cock and Dean knew he was close. He felt himself building and it was casing the sweat on his forehead to drip down the sides of his face. 

He'd never let a dude do this to him before. He's had plenty of hand jobs, sure, but never by another guy. But this was Cas. Something about it was so right, so expected, it just made sense that they were doing this, like it was what they had always done. On top of that, Dean felt safe.  Under this blanket of warmth and protection that Cas was offering, it was only natural to let them embrace a more intimate relationship. 

Dean bit down on his lower lip and looked down at Castiel who wasn't watching his own action, but was staring at Dean's face.

At that moment, the world disappeared, the walls collapsed, and the motel was gone. It was just him and Castiel, floating somewhere through space and time. Nothing else existed but them and this intimate, secretive, and sacred moment. Dean felt his heart grow into a huge fireball in his chest, begging to burst though. He loved his Cas. He loved him with all of his being. He was his angel. He wished he could say those three words to Castiel, because he never had the guts to say it to him or anyone. He hoped his friend knew that _“I need you”_ was his way of telling him that,  _“My life would be nothing without you.”_

He had a feeling that Castiel knew everything.

Dean was pulled back to reality as Castiel let out a hiss and moan. He looked down and saw his friend coming all over his own stomach. It sent the hunter over the edge and as Dean came, he threw his head back, letting out a throaty growl. He felt his thighs shaking and when he moved his hand across his hair, his hands were trembling just as badly. He wasn't nervous, he was filled with this deep feeling of love and awe. Being with Castiel, in any way, had always risen Dean to this higher plane of existence. Sometimes, when they would be alone, silently expressing how they felt through deep stares, it was like the world was created just for them. He'd never felt so accepted and loved at the same time than when he was with his angel. And now, this intimacy was causing Dean's heart to expand and his head to swim.

After catching his breath, Dean smiled at him and winked. “You're a very fast learner.”

Castiel's mouth curled into a smirk and he pulled Dean down next to him, putting one arm behind Dean's neck. “I can't believe I did that. _I_ did that,” said Castiel as he used his finger to mix their juices together that covered his belly.

Dean chuckled and buried his face into Castiel's neck. It always amazed Dean how someone who lived a millennia can appear so child like in a split second.

“I can't believe we...” Dean snapped his head up. “You can't tell anyone. Understand?”

Castiel sighed. “Yes. Like Purgatory, right? Our little secret?”

Dean felt a wave of sorrow wash over him. It wasn't fair. Not to him or Castiel. He shouldn't be ashamed of it. He shouldn't have to hide anything. Sam was open minded. He was probably the most accepting person he'd ever known. Besides, it was him and Cas. This was something so beautiful and amazing, the world should know. Still, Dean _was_ Dean and he felt that he wasn't ready to let out of the bag. Not yet. Not with all that was looming over their heads right now.

But he will one day.

“Just for now, okay? Until the time is right.”

Dean closed his eyes, feeling safe and warm in Castiel's embrace. He hoped Castiel understood him. He didn't want to hurt him. Not now and not ever. He'd shout it from the rooftops one of these days. He'd build a god damned banner or rent out a billboard professing his love for the Castiel. One day. Just not now. Not yet. 

“Okay.” Castiel kissed Dean's forehead and closed his eyes. “I just wanted to try something normal. Human. That was what that date was supposed to be.”

Dean looked up at Castiel. His hair was a mess, some of it wet from sweat, sticking to his forehead. _So damn adorable, so damn human._ “It's whatever, man. You don't have to explain it to me. I get it.”

“I should have known better. I'm not exactly dating material,” Castiel said, lightheartedly.

“What? Shut up. Of course you are. There's many dorky, awkward dudes out there with chicks.”

Dean tried to stop from laughing but failed. Castiel jabbed him in the ribs and Dean let out a yelp.

“You weren't jealous?” Castiel asked when the laughter died down a bit.

Dean smiled against Castiel's neck. Would considering killing the bitch count as jealousy?

“Yeah. I was.”

He could almost hear the smile on Castiel's face.  Dean was always aware of what was going on inside of his friend. They had this spiritual connection that was sometimes overwhelming for him. Dean knew Castiel felt it too. He always assumed it started when his brave angel pulled him out of hell. A profound bond was how they classified back then.

But oh, how it had grown into so much more. What they had now, Dean had no words for it. He had never, ever, imagined being with another man. The thought even grossed him out back in the day. He loved chicks, pussy, tits. Then when he noticed his feelings for Castiel had become something so strong and undeniably romantic, the girls didn't have the same oomph to Dean anymore. All those nameless and faceless women he'd been with started to reveal something to Dean.

They weren't Castiel.

He never had even an iota of feeling for them compared to how he felt about Cas. Not even someone like Lisa came close. His love for Castiel was exciting, different, and fucking scary. It was unconditional and beautiful. He didn't see the vessel all of the time. He saw his angel. This magnificent and terrifying warrior who did everything to be with him. And even with him being human now, Castiel still held that same place in Dean's heart. Whether he was a man or a fierce angel of the lord, he was _his._  

Dean thought about everything they had been through together as he laid in Cas' arms. He thought about when they met, how he helped Dean in the green room, cutting his arm and spreading his blood against the wall to make that sigil, the Apocalypse, the brothel incident, seeing a very broken Castiel in the future, watching him pull away from him when he was working with Crowley, Emmanuel, how, even when they thought he'd lost his mind, he ended up wanting to help Dean against Dick, Purgatory, Naomi. He thought about them in the crypt and how Castiel broke out of the mind control, just like that.

They'd been through so much and although some of the road had been rocky and damn near impossible to trek through, they never let go. They had always held on to each other and that fact alone made Dean realize something. Their love for each other would always win.

He curled in closer to Castiel and nuzzled his face against his neck. He tried to think back at all the times they'd come so close to this. He thought of Cas' words in Purgatory, and how his eyes twinkled beneath the dirt and grime. It felt like a million miles away. Here they were now, in bed together, and Dean was mesmerized by the sound of Cas' heartbeat under his hand. 

With the slow, steady sound of their breathing and the glow of the night's events, the two soon drifted off to sleep.

________________________________________________

Dean awoke to a concerned Castiel standing over him. “Dean. Dean.” Castiel shook Dean until he sat up.

“Wha-what time is it?” Dean asked roughly, trying to blink into focus.

“I have to be at the Gas N Sip in thirty.”

After Dean's sleepy eyes adjusted, he noticed Castiel was already showered and dressed, his hair wet and messy making him appear more human than Dean has ever seen him.

“Okay, let me wake up,” Dean said, practically rolling out of bed.

The mood was somber as Dean dressed himself and packed up his belongings, knowing that this was the last time he was going to see Castiel for a while. He didn't even know for how long. He tried to avoid eye contact with him as much as possible until they were ready to head out. Castiel walked ahead and opened the motel door. Dean reached out and grabbed hold of his friend's arm, pulling him back a little. Castiel turned to the hunter and showed a slight sigh of relief. Dean kissed him, holding his face in his hands. It was short and sweet and Dean wished he didn't have to leave.

“One for the road,” Dean said as he smiled wide.

Castiel shook his head, smiling too. He gave Dean that last puppy dog stare, opened his mouth to speak, but instead he headed out the door, toward the Impala. Dean wondered what it was that Castiel was going to say. Was it _"Don't leave" ? or "I love you", or "Take me with you?"_ If it had been either of those things, Dean probably would have broken down right there. 

Dean drove towards Castiel's place of work. The place that he'd been trying to be as normal and human as possible. The place where he had met a woman who'd only want him to babysit, crushing Castiel a little.

But not too much.

When they reached the Gas N Sip, Dean turned the car off. He didn't want this moment to be here already. He wanted to tell Castiel to come home with him. Fuck the job. Fuck the angels. Fuck 'em all. Instead, Dean would give Castiel some encouragement. Tell him that what he was doing is good and necessary.

“Listen, Cas … Back at the bunker, I, uh... Sorry I told you to go. I know it's been hard on you, you know, on your own. Well, you're adapting. I'm proud of you.”

He saw Castiel's face light up with a hint of a smile and it made Dean's heart sing.

“Thank you, Dean.” Castiel sighed. “But there's something Ephraim said. The angels... they need help. Can I really sit this out? Shouldn't I be searching for a way to get them home?”

They were back at the _'business as usual'_ thing. Dean was aware that his brief time with Castiel had given him the will to fight again. To be back with him and Sam and be the bad-ass that he once was. But Dean couldn't let it happen. Not now. Not yet. He couldn't let him know that the spell was irreversible and the angels were all stuck here.

“Me and Sam will take care of the angels. You're human now. It's not your problem anymore.”

Castiel didn't buy it and Dean could tell when Cas' forehead wrinkled and his face sunk. The pain in Dean's chest grew but he did his best not to show it. Dean's demeanor was stiff as he put his game face on. The one he showed Sam when he knew things sucked and their only option was to be strong and move on.

Castiel got out of the car, looked in through the window at Dean, and they waved goodbye to each other. Cas' face was so utterly heartbreaking. He gave Cas a small side smile, as that was all he could muster due to his mouth twitching from trying to hold back his tears. He watched Castiel walk to the Gas'n' Sip and unlock the door. 

Dean flipped on the radio as he pulled out onto the road, fighting the desire to take one last glance at his friend. He turned up Zeppelin's, “That's The Way”, and sped off. Dean didn't want it to be _this way._ He didn't want to leave his best friend, his angel, his love, back at that pathetic place of business. He didn't want Castiel to be alone and confused. He should turn around and scoop him up. Take him back to the bunker. Give him some of his clothes to wear. Cook him burgers and show him Game of Thrones.

But Dean kept on driving. The further he got, the more aware he was that there was no turning back. And with that realization, he began to cry.

**Author's Note:**

> my headcanon is that Dean and Cas shared some sweet and meaningful moments in purgatory. One of those moments is Cas telling Dean he loved him with a kiss. :-)


End file.
